Before I became a mom myself, I actually never really thought about this at all. What “helpful” would look like to a new parent. I had visited new babies and their parents before but never really thought about what might be helpful to the new mom.
Everybody wants to come see and hold the baby but before you do, stop and think about mom!
She just went through a major event that can sometimes be traumatic, not go as she wished, or even be a surgery. No matter the circumstances she will be recovering when all the company comes to visit. This can sometimes be a super hard time for a family welcoming a new baby and I want to let you in on some ways you can actually be helpful to a new mom.
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Feed the family
Trust me, the LAST thing you want to do when bringing a new baby home is worry about what you’re fixing for dinner. Depending on how the birth went, moms might not even be able to stand up or lift anything on their own! A great way to be helpful is to make sure the family is fed.
Involve friends and family
Something I discovered when my sister in law had her first baby was this awesome meal train website. mealtrain.com
It is so simple to use and was a great tool in getting our friends and family involved to take care of the new parents. You just make an account, set up the dates, write instructions, and send to everyone! They sign up and list what they are bringing the family and the date, which is visible to everyone so no one brings the same foods.
Something I like to add to the instructions when setting up a meal train is the time to drop off the food and a friendly reminder of where they can leave it. The new family might not be up for entertaining or having visitors and having a drop off location listed gives the family the option of inviting someone in- or not- and still getting fed!
Don’t forget about lunch!
When everybody is bringing dinners for a new family, it is easy to forget they still need to eat the rest of the day. Another great option (especially if there are older kids) is to bring some lunch choices and snacks. That way they have something quick and already made up they can grab any time of the day.
Some great lunch and snack options are:
- lunch meat and bread
- hummus and veggies
- pre cut fruit
- yogurt cups
- trail mix or nuts
- cheese and crackers
- pre made chicken salad
- soups
- breakfast breads (banana, pumpkin, zucchini)
- pulled chicken
Remember the older kids
Adding a sibling can be a really hard thing for older kids at times. When I brought home my baby, my 3 year old had to learn how to share mom and dad and that wasn’t easy at first! Something we did for him was get him a gift “from the baby” check out my blog post on gift ideas from the baby HERE.
We wanted him to feel special and loved and I know a little gift helped us accomplish that! If you are going to visit a new family, remember the older kids and bring them a little something too.
Take the kids for a playdate or fun adventure
This will help a new mom SO much. Speaking from experience, when my baby was a few weeks old I had a hard time doing anything at the house with two little ones. My husband had gone back to work and I had a baby and toddler who needed my constant attention plus a mountain of laundry and dishes.
My mom got into the habit of taking my 3 year old to “toddler time” at our local library one day a week. It was only an hour but WOW what I could accomplish in that hour! I found out then that doing anything with just 1 kid was cake, ha!
Besides the fact that I could knock out some chores, I know getting him out of the house and doing something that focused on HIM was really special and fun. That warmed this mama’s heart and I really needed that while trying to figure out life with two kids.
Help around the house
Speaking of chores- one of the most helpful things you can do when visiting a new mom is help take the load off. I promise all day long a giant to do list is running through her head. The house will be a mess and the baby needs changed and fed and the dog needs walked and the list goes on and on.
Instead of going straight for the baby, tell mom you are here to fold laundry, wash the dishes, mow the grass, whatever it might be. Let her snuggle her baby and rest a minute while you take one thing off her to do list.
If she is type A and needs to do housework herself (this is me!), offer to hold the baby OR watch the baby in their swing or bouncer so mom can get some things done. You might think “that’s crazy why would I watch the baby sleep and not hold them if I am going to visit?” I see your point, but sometimes this is what makes a new mom feel more comfortable and less anxious!
Postpartum is a rollercoaster of emotions. I remember with my first baby I would literally break out in a sweat when someone else was holding my newborn. Not to mention if the baby started to cry and the person wasn’t giving him back. That was actual hell! The thing to keep in mind is mom is also recovering and may be dealing with emotions she doesn’t want to talk about so, instead of insisting or arguing just do what is most comfortable for her.
Don’t ask what a new mom needs
This might sound silly to some but the phrases “do you need anything?” or “let me know what I can do” are sometimes not as helpful as they are meant to be. A mom is the ultimate caregiver and used to doing all that herself. If she is met with these questions a lot of times her answer will be “nope, we’re good!” or “ok, thanks!” with no real intention of ever asking for any help.
A better approach is saying “Hey, I’m running by Starbucks before I head over, what is your order?” or “I want to get the baby something, what size diapers do you need?” A more direct approach, not so broad is way more helpful! This way she doesn’t feel like a “bother” or like you are asking just to be nice. *Trust me, been there!*
A small gesture goes a long way
After having a baby it is unfortunately very common to have a form of depression, anxiety, even rage. Your hormones are trying to level back out after birth and it can be a real shock to the system! A simple text or call asking how things are going and letting her know she’s not alone is sometimes all you need to do to turn her day around!
New moms feel SO many emotions. You feel lonely even though you are being touched all the time by your baby, your body doesn’t look the same as it once did, your clothes fit weird, you want to see your friends but don’t want to leave the house, you need a break but miss your baby as soon as you get one. It can be and is a lot to deal with. Check in on your mom friends! Be their safe place to unload.
A word on the hospital..
When parents to be are making their wish lists and plans for birth, one thing they are going to think about is who comes to the hospital. PLEASE do not argue their decisions!
When I had my second baby, the covid pandemic was over but the rules were still in place. They were not allowing anyone under the age of 18 to visit at all. We decided we didn’t want any hospital visitors because we wanted our son to be the first to meet the new baby. Luckily, our family is wonderful and super respectful of our wishes and did not make us feel bad one bit and that is how it SHOULD be with every family.
I understand if you expected to be in the birthing room or be the first to meet the baby and the reality leaves you feeling disappointed. BUT you have to keep in mind, as hard as it might be to accept- the parents are the only ones who can decide that. Whatever they think is best for their family is what they will do and the best thing you can do is be respectful of it. Don’t make an already stressful time more stressful by making mom and dad feel bad about their decisions. In the end no one is happy at that point!
The most important thing is a healthy baby and healthy mama. And you will meet that baby as soon as they are ready for you to!
The bottom line is- having a new baby is HARD. For as many fun and beautiful moments with a new baby there are just as many hard ones. Just be supportive of a new mom and her wishes.
Make sure you leave a comment if you have any other ideas about helping out a new mom! And follow me on Pinterest at The Mallard Mama!
